Sunday, March 14, 2010

The Thomasine Confluence

When I posted my little story The Ghost on my blog it produced an interesting set of responses, which I shall post here, via the magic of cut and paste, unaltered except for names.

“Sis: Enjoyed the blog, Tom. Glad you answered when opportunity rang the bell”

“Frank: Tom, are you sure it wasn't UPS...they ring once and run. And, we went to RMH for the Cardiac Unit's 2 year anniversary this afternoon. Shook hands with my Surgeon, his PA, nurses etc., who remembered me well.....when leaving, the Surgeon said "nice seeing you again - you look great, Tom".... When they made my name tag....they put Thomas (my middle name) instead of Frank....very - very spooky if you ask me....Tom.......VERY SPOOKY.....!!!!”

“Me: the world is a spooky place maybe he was in the wrong place”

“Frank: Which Tom was in the wrong place?”

“Ms CGS: or maybe the surgeon is a closet writer/blogger/prf. of English?”

“Ms CGS: Really enjoyed your blog, Scott.”

“Me: Frank, since you're the only Tom here, I think the ghost was a bit south of where he intended to be. Thanks CG. I don't know where it's going, but it will probably have to be edited some to get published.”

“Frank: But, you see, I'm NOT the only Tom have a Tom there....You are just as much of a Tom as I am....mistaken identity?”

“Ms CGS: can I play? I'll be Tom the Editor.”

I was planning to answer CGS with a suggestion that if we were going to cast an attractive woman as Tom the editor, that she would have to be comfortable being a dominatrix that only wanted to edit you really, really hard. But then something struck me. It was both the tone and the content of those final two posts which led me to the conclusion that there was something larger going on here. So that meant it was time for me to get in gear and look into it, in only the way a piercing mind such as mine can possibly do it. It was time for some…tat da da daaaaaah…..(wait on it)……RESEARCH.

Now research is always a good answer when you have a vexing problem or coincidence to investigate, the problem becomes how, and what to research? Clearly, this doesn’t appear to be a religious problem, although there are examples of Thomas’s who play a prominent role in the bible, and there is always the possibility that we have all been simultaneously, because of our natural tendencies to scoff, and distrust been transformed into visages of the Thomas who doubted Jesus’ resurrection, but after due consideration and running a few preliminary mathematical equations, I rejected this as the explanation.

Biology was always a consideration, and I had to consider the possibility that some genetic sequence that we all possess in common is the root of our mutual Thomasine misidentification. So, I went out to the garage and fired up my DNA sequencer, and used a vacuum on my screen to suck DNA samples from the keyboards of each of your keyboards, by visiting your Facebook profile, and using direct screen-to-screen transport to shove the vacuum nozzle against your keyboard. I hope you don’t mind the intrusion. I looked at that and yes almost ninty-percent of our DNA sequences are similar, but Eighty-five percent of our DNA sequences match those of an earthworm, so I wasn’t able to draw any firm scientific conclusions from that. And while I don’t profess to speak fluent earthworm, I am unaware of any earthworms that refer to one another as Tom at all, much less it having some identifiable locus, so I was able to exclude those common sequences from consideration. The five percent remaining that the three of us have in common with each other, but not with earthworms seems to code for stuff like arms and legs and a four chamber heart and things like that, and not for name specific identity. So I rejected biology.

The answer then I reasoned must come from the realm of physics, specifically I gravitated to the subject of String Theory, and because it is such a fluid field, I adjusted and tweaked physical principles, added two unknown dimensions to account for Thomasine movement, a term I have now created, and viola there was the answer implicit in the very underpinnings of the science. We have only to look of the dual resonance model, first postulated by Veneziano in 1968 to see what is happening. In short, Veneziano observed that the s- and t-channel vibrations that occurred in meson scattering were of exactly the same amplitude, on further observation the exact phenomena was observed in N-particle amplitudes that gave us the idea of harmonic, opposing amplitudes like that which occurs in a one-dimensional model of linear string vibration. Obviously what is happening to us is an exact but opposite reaction, modulated through time by the presence of the two unseen dimensions of the great Brucine Confluence that effected Monty Python in the same years that Veneziano was developing his resonance model, and is only showing up now. I propose that we try to quantify B- (for Brucine) and T- (for Thomasine) confluent amplitudes and sit back and wait on the guys in Stockholm to send us that Nobel Prize I always knew I was going to get some day. I’ll start working on the math.


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